Mads.nakey Midwestthangs.mp4 May 2026

We don’t use miles. Everything is measured in time. 'How far is it?' 'Oh, about twenty minutes.' Ope, see ya later then!"

We don't have hobbies; we have the weather. 'It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity.' Or, 'We really needed this rain.' mads.nakey midwestthangs.mp4

You never get your Tupperware back. If you bring a dish to a potluck, that container now belongs to the Midwest void. It’s a gift to the community. We don’t use miles

It’s not a condiment; it’s a beverage. If it doesn't have ranch on it, is it even food? 'It’s not the heat, it’s the humidity

When you’re driving on a backroad and you see another car, you have to do the 'one-finger salute' off the steering wheel. Just the index finger. Anything more is too aggressive.

You don't just leave. You have to do the 'Midwest Goodbye.' It starts with a thigh-slap and a 'Welp, I suppose...' then you talk in the doorway for 45 minutes, then you talk by the car for another 20.